Coming to understand the hardest part of parenting 22 years later.

Feb 25

A week ago today I became an empty nester.

I’ll let that sentence sit at the top there in solitude, the sentence and my feelings hold the same weight, like a large dark cloud hanging over me.

I hadn’t expected that my daughter would get engaged, married and leave home all in the space of 5 weeks at the beginning of this year. What an absolute joy that she and her new husband are delighted with each other, it’s so special to be witness to young love. Both myself and my husband are chuffed to bits that our grown up child has found a lovely husband to spend the rest of her life with.

I feel this new union has made me fall in love with my husband all over again too and that feels like such a gift after being together for almost 30 years. We have been travelling and cooking together and getting along really nicely. My husband has been making a special effort to be soft with me. I have been so excited for my daughter and her fella I have also been rather tearful. I feel like a full bucket, tip me over slightly and water comes pouring out.

I have worked part time almost since the day that she was born but most of my life for the last 22 years has revolved around being a mother. I remember old people telling me that the time goes quick when she was little and I found it hard to believe. The days seemed to go on forever when she was small. But the wise old folk new better than me. The day she left home came way sooner than expected.

So here I am wondering about what the next stage of life holds for me. I hear this is common to sort of loose your sense of purpose for a while. I know I definitely feel sadness, especially walking past her room that is completely empty - I bought a little plant today to bring some life back in to the space. I think I have a sense of fear of uncertainty ahead. A lot of these emotions are very new for me. I’m just trying to sit with them and not brush them away.

Here is what I hope this uncertainty will turn into. I hope it won’t take too long.

increased freedom - hurrah for that!
more time for self care.
i have been thinking about taking dance classes again. i quite fancy learning the ukulele too….
new adventures and experiences, maybe a bit more travel
improved relationships with other family members now I have more time for them.
maybe time to write a few more blogs and paint a few more art pieces.
the chance for a fresh start.

I hope this reaches someone one day who is in the first stages of empty nesting and that they can feel like they are not alone, many of us parents feel this loss and this readjustment period is indeed very hard. I’m only a week in and so I can’t promise you that it gets easier but I can see glimpses of hope in finding what I like to do just for myself again and that feels exciting.

Send me an email if you are feeling alone with your empty nest feelings, maybe we can bond over a zoom cuppa tea! setagayayogastudio@gmail.com